Why you need to move from proving to becoming!

I am learning a new dance style. I have learnt classical dance for many years and assumed this would a cakewalk. But I was not getting the grip of this dance style. As days passed, I started questioning my talent; beating myself up for not being at par with others, for not picking on the moves etc. I felt frustrated at one point and decided to quit. My rational was I did not want the group performance to fail because of me.

I sat down to read a book and picked up “Succeed” by Heidi Grant Halvorson. There were many great ideas in the book but one that struck a chord with me at that point was adopting a mindset of “getting better vs being good”. This concept is somewhat similar to Carol Dweck’s growth mindset which is based on the belief that everyone can change and grow through efforts. Here Heidi advocates a mindset of improvement and not validation. Have an intent to improve not prove. This was like a lightning moment. Something flashed.

As I sat down to think about my dance struggle and reasoning for giving up, I realized that it was not so much about others as it was about me. The fact was I did not want to look bad in front of others. I wanted to prove that I was good. I was frustrated and disappointed because I was seeking approvals not only from others but also from myself. I wanted to prove that I am talented and have what it takes.

Shifting my mindset from validation to progress allowed me see that I was better than yesterday. It was just taking time because I had to unlearn what I had learnt in my previous style. I felt relieved. I decided to stay on course. Its hard work yet less stressful because I am focusing on becoming better rather than proving I am good. I am not questioning my ability, my talent and letting self-doubt creep in.

Switching from proving to becoming better is incredibly powerful.

It is easy to get caught up in the ‘proving’ mindset when faced with difficulties. Instead focus on ‘improving’ allows us to shift our attention towards what’s working and what needs improvement rather than thinking too much on the outcome of being good. With the “getting better” mindset, we see setbacks as information and not as failure, as data points that we can use to iterate to get to a better version of ourselves.

Quoting Heidi, “If you focus on growth instead of validation, on making progress instead of proving yourself, you are less likely to get depressed because you won’t see setbacks and failures as reflecting your own self-worth”

Wouldn’t adopting the mindset of improving instead of proving be a great way to start the New Year?

How about setting New Year goals focusing on getting better rather than being good?

How about moving from proving to becoming!